...melancholy and sentimentality...

the mystic wonders of emotions are touring slowly and making itself known in my head.

last semester I went into my classes indifferent to the world and screaming in my mind: 'damn the hell out of all of you, I don't give a *$%&(*^ care about ANYTHING. leave me be', yet still trying to blend in. then I saw the same girl who made an impression to me back then that she also screamed those words that depicts cynicism. I knew her waaay back in the first semester of 2003 (my first semester in college), and I thought that we were quite the same back then because of our musical preferences. I didn't know that we were TOO much the same. After some days (or perhaps weeks), I just found myself really enjoying her company, laughing my ass off at her cynical rants and just being silly the whole time we're together. the things we did reminded me of those days in high school, like reserving a seat for the other in an exam, hanging out in the hallway while waiting for the next class, and teasing each other about *cough* the certain opposite sex. That semester changed my aloof personality.

...She might cringe and pretend to puke when she'd read this, I am sure. And she would pretend to die (perhaps) if she heard me saying that she's like my best friend.

and then that semester have ended, then semester break have passed, and I have these thoughts of having her as a classmate once again, she sent an sms that she would file a leave on absence next semester.

...which reaaaally made me sad. I know it was very selfish of me persuading her not to do it, yeah, but that would just mean that I wouldn't see her for some seven whole months. So I just let her do what she wanted, since she has her own reasons, and I wouldn't want to interfere with it.

the last time I saw her was when she was finishing the processing of her papers. we said our usual bidding of goodbyes, which is absolute. I wouldn't see her anymore.

and when did the twisted emotions take place? twice, and the second was this morning, I was terribly melancholic and sentimental. thinking about what would possibly happen if things weren't as it is, blah blah. I almost cried in the car while in the process thinking about those stupid thoughts.

oh well.

...

I'll just buy something and drown in my melancholy. BUT WAIT! shit, I still have notes to scan to make my life more miserable as it is.

oh well.